The D-word. It’s most people’s worst fear, but, in a bittersweet way, it was my greatest joy. In divorce, you gain something and you lose something. There is no way around it, and in the end, it is best for everyone, whether they know it at the time or not.
I’m thirteen years old, and I know what it feels like when parents split up, because mine did last fall.
My parents had been unhappy for years. When my father started cheating on my mom, things went downhill. I thought they would divorce instantly. I tried to picture my life after my parents split up—living at my mom’s house during the week, and my father’s house on the weekend. I was scared. But my mom decided to be the bigger person and try to stick it out, so that my siblings and I would know what it was like to have a family. Things didn’t get better though.
I would always strain to hear the quiet arguments they didn’t want me to hear. They weren’t getting along and they weren’t happy. But I could tell that they didn’t know what they would do if they broke up. They took comfort in just coming home to someone, no matter what they had done. They were both scared, even if they didn’t admit it. They would face their problems, together or apart, and know that when things got bad—they had each other. People don’t like change and they don’t want to find out what could happen. Most people don’t want to take a chance because there is a fifty percent chance the result could come out good or a fifty percent chance that it won’t. I learned though, that you dictate your own future and when someone is pulling you down, you can change their impact on you and that is just what I did.
My father had never really been there for me. He was there physically but not emotionally. He yelled a lot and never really showed any interest in going to my piano recitals or watching my dance performances. Everything we asked him to do, he had another excuse—a lie. We just sort of ignored it and went on with our lives like nothing was the matter.
Then last summer, there was real trouble in paradise. My siblings and I went out to Los Angeles to pursue acting and while we were out there, my father cheated on my mom again, and this time my brother, sister, and I all found out. He was going to make us move back to Florida and leave L.A. forever. L.A. was the best thing that had ever happened to me, my brother, my sister, and my mom. We were finally all happy. We decided to stay in L.A. and leave my father in Florida.
Our actions resulted in divorce. We didn’t know if we were making the right decision or not. My mom went back and forth. She wanted what was best for her children. She confronted me and asked me if I thought we should go back to Florida or stay in Los Angeles. I replied, “There is nothing in Florida for us anymore. Out here in L.A., we have so many dreams that can come true. We shouldn’t let him abuse us anymore. Finally, we are free.”
My brother, sister, mom, and I finally were able to start over and let our happiness rise to new levels. We were allowed to become whoever we wanted to be and let our dreams soar to the sky. We weren’t overshadowed by my dad anymore, and he couldn’t hold his reputation and actions above our heads. Sometimes I still wonder what life would be like if my parents had not divorced, and I become deeply upset about what I have lost. But the gain was far greater.
The divorce was the best thing that had ever happened to me and the rest of my family. I don’t regret anything about it. I now know that taking chances is the best thing to do. Even though I was scared at first and had my doubts about the divorce, I was glad it happened because now I could start my life over. The bond between my mom and me grew to great heights.
I will always remember what my mom said to me every time I would become upset over everything that had happened. “We are going to rise above.” And we did. I gained my life back from the divorce and now I am the happiest I have been in my whole life.
Everyone thought my life before was perfect. The trophy mom, the successful father, a cute brother, a wonderful actress as a sister, and then me. I was the perfect child that every parent wanted. The girl who received all A plusses on her report card, cared about the world, excelled in piano, an elegant dancer—I appeared to be the happiest girl in the world.
But I wasn’t—and neither was my life, so I never will regret the divorce and no one else should either. People who divorce take a chance to make their lives better.
Finally, I accept that love doesn’t always last. If, in your heart you can feel something is not right, then follow your heart. In the end it’s going to be your only true guide. To have and to hold. For richer or poorer. Your heart will never let you down.
